What's up with my life?

Normal is the most abnormal word

So, what happened in the last 4 years?

I tried out of my way to be social and make friends.

Did it work?

Yeah, or so I thought.

Wait, What went wrong?

Not sure either.

Why do you think it didn't work?

It's not something I think. It's something that happened.

What exactly happened?

With the end of the college life around the corner, everyone in class was asked to share their experiences so far in the college. Almost all did so.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong but their perspective about me. It made me realize that no one considers me one among them.

Care to explain?

I did things, I don't have to, just for the sake of them. I thought it is a way to socialize. But it doesn't matter, I was wrong all along. What matters to people the most, in general, is how often you hangout with them.

Are you being emotional?

Nope, I am already beyond the point of feeling sad or disappointed of such things for a few years now. After all, this isn't the first time.

If making friends was your goal, Why didn't you hangout often?

Two reasons. One is my social anxiety.

The other one?

I never felt so close to anyone to hangout often. Even if I had, I would have never been able to express it properly. Perhaps they are all just acquaintances. Perhaps I am the weirdo they think I am.

You understand that posting this will have a negative effect?

I do.

And yet here you post?

And yet, here I post.

Why?

Social Experiment. Even if I share this post on my social profiles (which I will), how many do you think will care to read? No one will spend the time to read this.

You think you don't have anyone close to you?

If I did, Why would I be writing this? When people of my age are searching for their significant others, I am yet to find a single friend who expects nothing in return from me. May be, friendship isn't my cup of tea.

Probably that one virtual friend living inside my head is the only one who I can always seek.

Isn't that your mistake that you make it harder to communicate with you?

I make it harder so that only people who really want to communicate with me will try to do so. People remember me, all of a sudden, when they need my help. After it is done, They forget that a person like me exists.

I'm not saying that they shouldn't call me for help. But why call me only for help? All the calls and messages I receive just add to my stress and burden.

They don't realise the stress I have to go through each time. It's not worth my time in most cases.

Would you prefer a normal life?

Nope, I won't. "Normal is the most abnormal word" as someone told me. Everyone is abnormal in one way or other. All that happens is because of what I am and what I do. I can neither blame others nor myself for it.

I never had a proper social life, Nor I desire for it any more. If you enjoy hanging out with people, celebrating birthdays and chatting non-sense, It doesn't mean everyone will enjoy doing so. Everyone has a different perspective of the world.

What is it that you seek in life?

Whatever the future has in store for me, I wish it is great, even if it is unfortunate. Otherwise, I just don't see a purpose of my life.